This is a hard blog post to make. Honestly, writing at all has been a challenge lately. There is so much sitting in my head that I want to work out with paper and pen; and so much on my ever expanding (neglected) to-do list. I am realizing that it's all connected to my trauma, [...]
Category: Recovery-Drug Addiction
Biblical Response to Cutting/Self-Injury
I gave myself a rare treat tonight; a nice hot bath. As a mother of 4 (and counting) taking a bath is an indulgance I don't often get to enjoy. I was listening to an audio book of the gospel of John, when I noticed the marks all over my body. First, I looked at [...]
Why I Had to End My Suboxone Detox; And The Physical Effects of Being so Sick
Hey everyone. I spent a week in bed, unable to move without help a few feet to the bathroom. At times I laid in bed so thirsty, but I couldn't move my arm to grab the water next to me in bed. I wanted so badly to continue, but my body couldn't do it. The [...]
Suboxone Taper/detox- week 3 .5mg
Well, it's 4:30am and I can't sleep. I slept from 1-2am but my son woke up crying and wanting nurse. I had my husband bring the baby to me because I didn't feel like moving from the recliner chair in our living room. I've been on suboxone, which is a synthetic opiate medication used. I [...]
Busy Moms Still NEED to Focus on Recovery
I am sitting at my laptop, it's almost midnight. I have my Anatomy and Physiology text books to my left, my homeschooling planner for my 3 kids to my right, and I just swallowed a handful of chocolate like medicine. My 3 daughters are sleeping (for now), and baby brother is finally asleep after I [...]
Trauma and Memory Recall
Memory is a strange thing for the traumatized mind. Some memories are nothing more than apparitions of smell, emotion, and touch; try as I might to put flesh on these ghosts, they remain as formless as mist rising in the morning. Other memories are clear on the big picture yet lack details. I remember his [...]
Trigger, Trigger. (PTSD)
Where does this despair hide itself from the rest of me when life is going smoothly? Does it seep into the corners of my mouth when I smile? Does it retreat into the shadows of my insides? How can it escape notice from the very person it inhabits? Until—a nightmare during sleep opens me up [...]
The Lies of the Enemy vs. The Glorious Truth
I have been very busy lately with the end of this semester fast approaching, along with life’s other obligations. I’ve been able to spend some time praying though, and it has brought up a theme for me; resisting temptation and the lies of the enemy. This is in stark contrast to the promises of Yahweh, [...]
A Time of Trials
I feel pressed in on every side. In each direction a heavy stone wall leans menacingly against me. My hands are frantically pushing back against them each in turn but I lack enough strength to hold them all up, so in a panic I realize that they are all going to crush me. This has [...]
Broken, but with Hope! (First Blog Post)
I come to you in my late 20s, a mother of many, and in some ways; broken. When something breaks, typically we inspect it to determine if it can be fixed- if so, we must decide if it’s worth fixing. I may not want to fix a broken glass jar if I only paid 5 [...]
recovering motherhood 