When I was 15, I was in a “residential treatment center”. Basically, I lived with other teen girls in a big house and we went to school and therapy together. It was actually a very nice one (thanks mom). But the point of this story is this- one day during group therapy we were talking [...]
I have to speak. Every day I see more clearly. Once, I was a child who thought she knew the truth of her transgressions. Then, I was a young woman who covered her past with shame. Now, I am a woman who sees. I accepted the narrative my abusers gave me. I saw myself through [...]
How do you know when something has died? A root from the earth, and stars in her eyes.
Sometimes I feel so defeated as a mother. Are we allowed to speak this truth? Child of my own flesh and blood, yet she remains a mystery to me. I try to build strong walls to keep her from turning to the right or to the left, but I am reminded of my human frailty.
This spring weather has been unpredictable. Unseasonably warm sunshine bleeds into dark curling storm clouds, threatening tornados. Some evenings I walk outside and breathe in the smell of the wet earth, growing again after the floods. Then, I take the children for walks during the day and we save half-dried worms off the warming concrete sidewalks. I’m not sure why, but I could never leave them there to wither.
They don’t even know it, but they redeemed me. They lead me to the water of forgiveness. I was born, when they were born.
She’s 4 years old and she doesn’t want to listen. Or, maybe she can’t listen? The second of four children, always striving to be heard. You were always the angry one, temper flaring. At 6 months old you furrowed your brow and your face turned red when I upset you. You’re also the one who [...]