Why I Had to End My Suboxone Detox; And The Physical Effects of Being so Sick

Hey everyone. I spent a week in bed, unable to move without help a few feet to the bathroom. At times I laid in bed so thirsty, but I couldn’t move my arm to grab the water next to me in bed. I wanted so badly to continue, but my body couldn’t do it. The first time I attempted to get off suboxone, it was my mind that was the issue. I had cravings, depression, mood swings. I went back on it to avoid relapse. This time, I am happy to report, I experienced no cravings whatsoever and I was in generally good spirits (despite being so sick).

The major complicating factor; I am pregnant. It was very early, and I had hoped to have a pregnancy off suboxone. In the end, it felt dangerous to continue. I said from the start, “I will not risk the baby’s life”. My husband was so busy with the children, he simply could not help me to the degree that I needed help. I need someone to essentially be my nurse for weeks if I do this again.

Now, I am still feeling very weak. My muscles have not recovered, and my dose is whacky. My body was shocked by having this drug withdrawn and now it has it back, but I have not found an equilibrium again. I was also hit with morning sickness (all day, and at night) which made my dehydration and inability to eat even worse. Thankfully, the nausea has  mostly gone and I am eating very healthy whole foods again.

I am very disappointed to still be on suboxone. I am dreading the cycle of doctor visits, scripts, etc. That said, what can I do? I gave it my very best, but my body being pregnant could not do it.

So, will I try again? Absolutely. Especially now that I know I can do it without cravings or mental health issues resulting. I just need more help. My body has been reliant on this drug for nearly a decade now, that is a long time. I am on lower dose that usual which is nice, but detox is no joke after being on it this long. Obviously, next time I will do it when I am not pregnant. But, I have to honest that I do not know HOW this will work out. Not only is it weeks of sickness, but then perhaps months of recovery. I will have five children, who I homeschool, needing me.

My thoughts at this point are focused on the following; get healthy and strong again during this pregnancy, find a good addiction specialist, and try a very slow detox process instead.

I would love to hear from anyone who has been able to successfully detox from long-term opiate dependence.

With just me, it may be impossible. With Yahweh, all things are possible.

Shalom.

P.s I plan on writing about pregnancy, and breastfeeding on suboxone/subutex. It is happening much more often now, yet many moms do not have much information. I have a lot of experience, and thankfully all of my babies were very healthy and needed no treatment. Many doctors still recommend methadone to moms, whereas suboxone has a much better track record with neonatal withdrawal.

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recoveringmotherhood

A humbly recovering mother of little beautiful children. I want to share my heart, my struggles, my triumphs, and my dreams. Recovery from mental illness/drug addiction is not easy, but it IS possible. Motherhood is not easy either, but its rewards are rich and the journey is easier when we share together.

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