Well, it’s 4:30am and I can’t sleep. I slept from 1-2am but my son woke up crying and wanting nurse. I had my husband bring the baby to me because I didn’t feel like moving from the recliner chair in our living room.
I’ve been on suboxone, which is a synthetic opiate medication used. I have been on it for 9 years which is a long time. I started my addiction to heroin ar 14 years old, went on methadone at 19, and then started suboxone after an unsuccessful attempt at methadone withdrawal. I turn 30 next month, so I’ve been opiate dependent for half my life.
Half my life!
So asking my body to function without any opiate is difficult. But you know what? I really feel ready this time.
My biggest complaint is the muscle aches and creepy crawly jumpy feelings. Very restless, yet exhuasted. Not fun.
So far the stomach pains and “bathroom” issues have been minimal. I felt worse when I went from 2mg down for 1mg as far as the stomach issues, but now the muscles and insomnia have taken over.
So, I went down from 1mg to .5mg, it’s been a full 24 hours. I just took my next .5mg dose and won’t take another until 4am tomorrow. Then, I’m going down to .25mg for a few days before jumping off.
This is a much quicker taper than is usually recommended. However, I am in early pregnancy and I do not want to drag this out for that reason. The baby will eventually be more sensitive to withdrawal, which could even lead to miscarriage in the worst case. I’m keeping a close eye on how I feel, but so far so good. I’d rather get it over with now than give birth on suboxone again (even though my babies were fine).
I feel like a long, long chapter is closing. Despite the physical trials, I truly feel great mentally and spiritually. This is the first time I’ve gone this low and had NO cravings at all! HalleluYah!
I am not being given more than I can handle, and I am grateful for the support system I have in place as I go through this process.
